PANICBABY IS EMBRACING THE RAGE

WORDS ROB CORSINI

When she was growing up, panicbaby was full of anxiety, with a feeling that the world was a terrifying place which she’d somehow found herself within. But now, raised on the internet and brought up by Tumblr, she’s taking hold of the fear so that she can destroy it - and replacing it with rage instead.

Across her debut EP (playfully titled f u jonathan) and her new single ‘get naked’, panicbaby explores the rawness of heartbreak and its inevitable collapse into emotional exhaustion. panicbaby creates dreamlike arrangements, with vocals so sweet that it takes you a moment to realise that there’s a darkness to all of her lyrics. Every song is a story, one that’s poised to prick the finger of an unsuspecting listener.

Following the release of her first EP, panicbaby talks to F Word about how she’s embracing her rage, Tumblr’s impact on her aesthetics, and reveals if there’s a specific person after whom she named her EP f u jonathan?

Rob Corsini: Hey panicbaby, welcome to F Word! First up, if you were going to introduce yourself, how would you do it?

panicbaby: I’d say, hi! I'm Sophie, I’m an artist. I'm not great at talking about myself. [Laughs] But as an artist, I’m very inspired by all things Tumblr, all things female rage, female experience. I’m a girl on the internet making music.

RC: You released your first ep, f u jonathan, a couple of months ago now - how does it feel?

p: It actually quite scary because it's such a big thing and we obviously had to plan so far ahead. I finished it in November and I had just really started the project in July - everything happened so quickly. But that was good, actually, because it helped me speed up the process of thinking everything through. I know what my world is and what my sound is - and having to move so quick felt like I was being dropped in cold water, I just had to swim.

RC: Maybe let’s start with your history - I know before you became panicbaby you used to write songs - tell me about that?

p: I used to write dance songs mainly, but some pop songs too. I’m really grateful for that experience because I think it’s a really great entry point for a lot of people trying to get into the music industry. And it’s a good way of making money (actual money!) which is so hard in the beginning. I had to write three songs a day, seven days a week - those tools really helped me not to be too precious. Now, when I’m writing closer to my heart, those skills really help me.

RC: You’ve said before that at that time you denied yourself the opportunity to be an artist in your own right and that you were pessimistic of your own ability - what changed that mindset for you?

p: I really loved that time and it was a lot of fun, but at some point I realised that I actually wanted to be an artist and I couldn’t really merge that with my writing. I had a big wake up moment and I realised that if I didn’t change, I could see myself becoming bitter. So, I had to be honest with myself and not deny myself the opportunity to try. I didn’t want to become someone who was lashing out because I wasn’t happy with my own choices.

RC: People say that naming things is the hardest thing - but you really have a knack for naming. First, where did the name panicbaby come from?

p: I always feel terrified! I used to be quite anxious - and I still am in some ways. I’d say I’m still quite careful. That’s just something that resonates with me and I think it’s something that I hated about myself for so long. I’ve pushed myself outside of that headspace and I think panicbaby was actually me reclaiming it a little.

RC: What about your EP, f u jonathan?

p: Well, what’s there to say? [Laughs] I mean, a lot of people might have a personal Jonathan - I’m not trying to demonise someone in particular. I’m not trying to demonise someone in particular

RC: Do you have a specific Jonathan in mind?

p: [Laughs] I probably have someone in mind. I didn’t write it thinking of all the people who fucked me over. No, it’s definitely a specific person.

RC: [Laughs] That’s so funny

p: To you, not to him. [Laughs]

RC: Your lyrics straddle the line of sweetness and provocativeness - can you talk to me about that?

p: I don’t want to say that’s the experience of how women are portrayed, but it does feel like either women are either sweet and soft or angry and mean. As a teenager I struggled with that because as a woman you have complex emotions and finding and expressing them was quite hard. So, I love mixing them, showing lots of facets.

RC: Aesthetically I know that you’re a Tumblr girl, can you talk to me about how you found the platform / started using it?

p: I’m not even sure how I got on there, but I used it throughout my teen years. It was great, I was someone that was into things that were really different from my friends at school and the internet was such an amazing space to express myself freely. It was such a big thing for me - and it’s really funny because last year I started using it again and it became a big for me again. But I didn’t really discuss it with anyone! It was my secret thing.

RC: If you transport yourself back to the Tumblr days, can you describe to me what you would have seen on your dashboard?

p: Everything glitter! Glitter gifs, glittery eyeshadow palettes with weird names. Then the most gut-wrenching quotes that you’d see like it’s nothing in the middle of the day. Anything Sylvia Plat, Lana Del Rey, Marina and the Diamonds. Galaxy stuff, do you remember that? Interior design. Vintage.

RC: How do you think about your visuals? What do they mean for you?

p: I'm quite a visual person, so I think about visuals a lot. And I think it's quite important to me that the music translates and is coherent in that medium. I love to have big hair, that’s very Lana influenced, very Tumblr influenced. All of my fashion too, actually!

RC: What’s your favourite F Word?

p: Female rage! I feel like that sums up my whole last year. I love it!

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